August 2009
2 posts
what would this sentence mean to someone from,...
“You get a few opportunities to restore your Time Machine backup during the Snow Leopard installation.”
moonlight mile
… is the worst Rolling Stones song ever. Ugh.
July 2009
2 posts
snark fail
The good thing about the traditional publishing model was that they had editorial boards that made sure that if something was to be published, at least a few people had to feel it was good. This type of online “publishing” has absolutely zero quality control. It is great because it cannot be censored, but hard for a reader to evaluate because it has absolutely no impremator of quality.
On...
March 2009
1 post
smile away...
Was I the only person who read this story and thinks all of these extremely photogenic youngins are still overpaying?
February 2009
2 posts
every once in a while
I surprise myself by loving New York. It’s cold as shit here, windy, awful, and someone just walked by my window playing a harmonica.
may i recommend...
…making Bananas Foster?
Everyone loves a dessert you set on fire, and not only is it easy, you really only need bananas, cinnamon, butter, brown sugar, ice cream, and whiskey. (Or rum and creme de bananas, if you want to be authentic about it.)
January 2009
3 posts
burger king has no use for those random people...
Burger King is running this new promotion where you can get a free Whopper if you unfriend 10 people on Facebook.
praise jesus!
Here it is, the holy grail, my perfect news story: Christmas Essay Was Not His, Author Admits.
Neale Donald Walsch, author of the best-selling series “Conversations With God,” recently posted a personal Christmas essay on the spiritual Web site Beliefnet.com about his son’s kindergarten winter pageant.
Why do I say “perfect”?
1. Nobody died.
2. It’s a plagiarism scandal!...
December 2008
5 posts
“Who calls the office from a stress test?!”
– S, my work BFF
yay and nay
I just saw Nina Garcia in the cafeteria at work. Of course I’m wearing an outfit sooo bad I almost changed this morning but said “fuck it” instead. Plus my “work sweater.” It’s a red sweater I bought when I was in high school.
I don’t know what she was wearing because I know nothing about fashion.
why does maureen dowd
piss me off so much? I’ve never been able to figure it out, or even properly articulate it.
omg! yay!
The Sci Fi Channel has just picked up “BSG” spin-off “Caprica” for a full season!
November 2008
5 posts
how have i never...
…had a Nutter Butter cookie before? OMFG, they’re delicious! They were a desperate vending machine pick that turned out to be the highlight of my day. Also, I just chugged most of a Diet Coke so that I can keep my eyes open for the next two hours here. What was I thinking waiting until 3pm to break my caffeine fast?
2:31 pm
That’s how far into my workday I made it before speaking to anyone at work. I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t even standoffish…I simply didn’t initiate conversation. Yup, my workplace is that unfriendly. Now I’m all worried that they think I’m Chatty Cathy. Ugh.
Aaand while I was typing this my only “friend” at work came over to give me some papers and...
oh dear
I think my outfit is just a little bit too Joan Holloway today. I usually go for invisible Peggy, trust me.
now what?
My company gave us the day off today…and I don’t know what to do. I already voted because I was hyper. I got back to my apartment at pretty much the exact moment when I would have needed to leave for work to be at my desk at 9:00.
I know, I know: go back to sleep.
But I’m hyper.
October 2008
11 posts
tonight is devil's night
Nobody here knows what that is.
hello, my gs
I was typing a note to someone and accidentally spelled judgment “judjment” and, actually, don’t you think that’s kind of awesome? It’s vajuely amusing, rijht?
gossip
I just had a really, really weird conversation with my co-worker in the bathroom. Me (washing hands at sink, gesturing to flyer about germs and hand-washing): “Who put this silly sign here? Everybody washes their hands!” Her: “Not everybody!” Me: “Really? I guess I’m just lucky. Or I don’t notice.” Her: “[My Boss] NEVER washes her hands.”...
“Whoever decided on a five-day work week is a real douchebag.”
– My friend K
my detox/cleanse
Even though “detoxing” and/or “cleansing” are all the rage right now I’ve, uhhhhh, never been tempted. That said, I really have been amazed at the difference getting enough sleep three nights in a row has made in my life…so I’m doing an experiment:
This weekend I’m doing whatever I want, moment to moment, all weekend long.
This is a particularly...
i apparently love sleep
The last three nights in a row I’ve gotten 8 hours of sleep. It’s like a personality face-lift or something. I’m in a good mood all the damn time.
And since that isn’t interesting to anyone but me: did you know you can download the season premiere of “30 Rock” for free on iTunes?
Edit: But only if you buy a crappy TV Guide to get a magic code. Phooey, as my...
things I learned reading 'allure spa' magazine on...
A co-worker left a copy of Allure Spa in my inbox a while back. Not sure why. Anyway, I finally got around to reading it. Some life lessons:
1. Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) is kind of a douchebag. Also, she looks really old for her age. Petty, I know, but she does.
2. Melania Trump (Mrs. The Donald Number Three) has a 300 sq. ft. spa built into her apartment. Does she invite friends over?...
tacky, tacky, tacky
Scroll down to where it says “Live Like a Pharoah” [sic]
oh...
The guy in the next cube says “Oh, phooey” a lot. Today I heard an “Oh, bonkers.” That is all.
???!!?
I just got this e-mail from a total stranger.
Re: Baby Polar Bear
Was the baby polar bear that was caught in a hunter’s trap get help? That was so heartbreaking.
September 2008
7 posts
eh.
I caught my reflection on the side of my building coming back from lunch and noticed that my hair really needed to be brushed. I decided it was gauche to do that on the escalator and I’d wait until I was safely hidden away in my cube. Then I promptly forgot. Now it’s two and a half hours later and I still haven’t brushed my hair. Worse? I don’t care. The moral of the story...
airports and the carnivalesque
When I left grad school I made a point of trying to forget all of the oh-so-chic lowercase T theory learned at rhetorical gunpoint. Bakhtin’s concept of “the carnivalesque” was one of my pet peeves. Actually, it wasn’t him so much as everyone who misread him. But who cares! I think the reason people invoke the trope of the carnivalesque so often is that it’s cheap and...
if...
I were to let someone photograph me wearing an orangutan T-shirt (from the neck down) I would at least insist on a nipples showing do-over. Yikes.
it's the little things, right?
I’ve had a typical (really boring) Monday but I just pulled out my bag to get something and discovered that the smell of black licorice altoids mingled with the smell of tobacco is completely delightful!
Aromatherapy: Dissolution. You’d need booze in there for the total effect. Hand sanitizer?
thought for the end of the day
OMG, remember Swing Kids? That movie was so random.
why...
does the vending machine at my work sell weird peanut butter crackers and garlic pita chips and stuff like that…but no breath mints?
I bought some M&Ms hoping they might do the trick.
purple
I bought a purple dress today. (Purple! It’s so hot right now!) I’m actually going to be fashionable for 15 minutes. I don’t think I’ve worn anything purple since seventh grade.
August 2008
15 posts
worst hotel guests
Concierge.com posted a list of the world’s worst (celebrity, obvs) hotel guests. Most of them you’d expect. But…
As detailed in the book Great Reservations, by two former staffers of the Four Seasons Chicago (the project was shelved, sadly, just before it was about to debut, though excerpts made it into the press), [Nicole] Kidman issued demands that would make an...
notes from my day
1. Right before lunch I found an enormous zit on my chin. It wasn’t there when I woke up this morning. This thing was so huge I iced it down.
2. I met up with C. for lunch. When we were heading back to my office we got some free lemonade on the street. Cool. But it wasn’t lemonade, it was Blueprint Cleanse: Water Lemon Cayenne Agave. I love cayenne pepper so I drank mine right down....
who's stupid? i am!
I came very close to going to “lunch” today leaving my G-Mail open on my computer to a message from my friend K. entitled “i will stop calling you when i’m drunk.” Professional!
Sometimes I eat lunch with my friend C. in the park. Sometimes I eat at my desk and then walk around for about fifty minutes. Today I walked really far north on 9th Avenue hoping for clear...
on smoking
Somebody had a case of the Mondays yesterday and, as a result, did a little after-work drinking such that she is ever-so-slightly hungover at work. Actually, my work day was just fine, nice even, I just traumatized myself by trying to quit smoking again and had to have two cigarettes and three drinks before I could accept the fact that my cigarettes would be there in the morning, of course they...
guess how much...
…a 24 day tour of the world via private jet costs? $59,950. Per person. The single supplement is $8,995. And it doesn’t include airfare from your “home city” to Fort Lauderdale. I don’t know, I somehow don’t imagine setting out on a glamourous tour of the globe from Fort Lauderdale. Is it just me?
what if dating ads were honest?
As I inch closer to my deadline for online dating I’ve been thinking about the kind of guys I’m looking to meet. Smart? Sure. Sense of humor? Yes. But what if I was really honest? Here’s what I’d have to write:
- You’re willing to listen to me bitch about how someone at work got pissy with me for coming over to talk to her about a correction on a proof instead of...
no one in my office...
…seems to understand that our computers have calculators on them. Think, people!
“I guess the short answers are: change is difficult; the unknown is scary; and...”
– My friend M
i have 'let's pretend we're bunny rabbits' stuck...
It’s actually a pretty depressing song.
do not...
…click on a G-Mail ad that is for herbal colon cleansing just because you’re curious. You don’t want to see the pictures!
work, work, work
I spent almost the entire morning composing a 1,844 word e-mail to my friend C. about the day I had yesterday. This probably sounds self-indulgent, but she actually sent me an e-mail that was all “Sooo, how did it go yesterday?” while I was writing mine to her, so I think she wanted all the details. I actually wrote the e-mail in Word because I didn’t really want to have G-Mail...